Earlier today, I had an English class. I didn't really pay attention, the professor was droning on about the proper way to write a college research paper, and I was really more interested in drinking my Starbucks hot chocolate while it was still steaming. After class I figured I'd take the long way back to the parking lot, which cuts through a rather scenic park. By day, the park serves to suggest to the casual viewer that this community college is just as good looking as a normal university, but by night, it's a shady creepy looking place...though not as creepy as a joy ride into the mountains at 2 am... Since this is an evening English class, and it's already dark by the time it's over, the path is completely deserted, and I'm very much alone.
When I've walked a good distance along the path, humming to myself Christmas tunes so that I don't succumb to the spookiness of the surroundings, I heard a scuffling a good ways off to the right. Being naturally curious, and knowing that I didn't really have anything else to do anyways, I decided to check it out. As I walked a little closer, I saw a guy pushing a girl up against a tree, and forcibly covering her mouth. Initially I thought it was a couple, but she was putting up a hell of a fight..and this guy was huge. She bit his hand, and managed to scream out something unintelligible, but there was really nobody around to hear...besides me.
I was frozen for, I'm ashamed to say, a good 2-3 minutes in indecision. If I intervened, there was a very likely chance this guy could hurt me, perhaps seriously; he was way bigger than me, and as proud as I am that I'm working out seriously, I stood no chance of defending myself. But if I left, this girl would probably be molested, maybe even hurt and/or raped. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to yell "Hey, what the fuck are you doing!" Luck/God/Whatever was with me it seems, because the guy just turned and bolted.
Her name was Chelsea, I think, somethign with a 'ch', I never learned her last name. Apparently she knew the guy, and he had walked her there, or something to that effect...So I walked her back to her car, she kept insisting that she wanted to go home, she didn't want to call the police. She thanked me a couple of times, and then went home.
I don't feel particularly heroic or good about myself...I was ashamedly very close to pretending it wasn't my business and walking away. For 2 full minutes, I was seriously considering letting someone else come to probable harm, because I didn't want to provoke the guy into attacking me. Even afterwards, as I told Neelaysh about this incident, I was rather unwilling to call the police office, and report this incident, because I was wary of being dragged down there, becoming some kind of witness similar to TV cases. Obviously it's the right thing to do...But the bystander effect that Dr. Schatz taught us about seems to be very true...I could have been more concerned with my well-being, then the well-being of someone who in trouble. Eventually, I did call the police, gave them a detailed account of everything that happened. They said that they've heard of stuff like this happening before, but unless the 'victim' came forward and filed an account, or I could tell them who the guy was or what he looked like, there really wasn't anything they could do besides place security guards on that path and others like it. I left them my name, so that they could call me in case Chelsea or whatever her name was actually came forward, but somehow I don't think she will..she'd probably keep this to herself, and just avoid that guy.
I still feel very guilty, or ashamed, or disgusted with myself, I don't know....I always had the impression that when push comes to shove, I could be a hero if the situation called for it...you know, forget about my safety, be selfless, all that hyped up movie/novel/fiction standard. I seem to be repeatedly be reminded that life is not as pretty as it appears to be, I was told i was diagnosed with cancer, my grandparents died of heart attacks, the one time neelaysh, neil laura and i were at burger king and some creepy people started taking pictures of her, my dad and grandparents were trapped for 2 days in the 2nd floor of an apartment when a cyclone hit, and now this. It sort of removes that illusion that these ugly things aren't just things you hear about in the news, or books, they're real, and when you witness them firsthand, it really can make you lose faith in humanity. Today was a slap in my face, to show me that I had it in me to be an inhumane apathetic person, and that's really disgusting to me. All I can do now, is take comfort in the fact that I eventually did the right thing, with much prompting I might add, and hope that this doesn't haunt me..
9 comments:
no one is as fearless as batman or superman, even though we are conditioned to believe that is what heroism is.
that you confronted your fear eventually and spoke up (even after a few minutes), and then called the police is nothing to be ashamed of.
it's not going to haunt you. you should be proud of what you did. it only took you two minutes to react. most people would have walked by and chosen to ignore the situation altogether. hell, who knows how many people DID walk by and ignore it before you came along.
btw, you should send this story to Dr. Schatz. I'm sure she would love to share it with her students.
That is really scary, and I'm really proud of you for doing the right thing, even if it did take you two minutes to react. Which is normal, btw. I'm just glad that she didn't get hurt (and neither did you) and that you called the police.
Don't be so hard on yourself. It's like everyone else said, you did the right thing. Stop telling yourself your a bad person for thinking about your own safety for a moment, even if it was a little longer than you'd want.
Think of it like this. What if you had spoken up a bit earlier and you weren't as determined? What if your voice had swayed a bit. What if that guy didn't quite feel threatened because he didn't hear the threat in your voice? Things could have gone differently. Don't be so hard on yourself.
The fact is you know now for a fact that when push comes to shove you'll take the stereotypical hero's part.
What you did is pretty brave, considering the average human being (myself included) would probably just shrink away and try to forget about it. You did the right thing by overcoming your fear of getting involved, which is more than most would have done in your situation.
Also, what probably felt like 2 minutes was probably a lot less than that. I mean, when the adrenaline starts pumping, time sloooows down. I'm proud that you had the courage to do the right thing :)
Shan, that is a brave thing to do. I think that you made the brave the decision in the end.
Everyone's said it already, but as the resident anti-apathy activist, I figured I might as well comment too. I think that Eric is right about time slowing down, and that you chose to not walk and confront the situation, regardless of whether or not you hesitated at first, was the difficult, brave, right thing to do. And props for following it up with the police. Bravery doesn't mean you weren't scared at the time or didn't have second thoughts, but going through with what was right even if you were scared shitless at the time. Some of the most brave people I know confess that they are terrified when it comes down to it, but then manage to pull things off. Point is, you did the right thing, and it's a relief to hear that the Bystander effect doesn't always win out.
I'm glad you eventually decided to call the police. I leave this quote for everyone's consideration:
"Doing the right thing isn't something special. It's the minimum. It's where we start each morning, not where we try to end up in the future"
Neelaysh left a quote and even though this is another really late response, it's something I thought I'd post.
"The only time a man can be brave is when he is scared."
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